忙碌

这几天累积下来的忙碌已让我不知道怎么调整自己的心情，每天到公司除了上厕所之外基本上都是在坐着。眼睛根本没有时间透气，这又是为了工作的努力付出。

常常在想，如果我有的选择，我现在就不需要那么辛苦边读边做生意。有时真的会很累，再加上家人的不谅解更让倍感压力。不知道毕业后的第几天开始，嘴角就无法像之前的上扬。微笑有时都觉得勉强。不是我不要休息，家人觉得休息是浪费时间浪费金钱。如果用这句话和他们再对质，他们就会说我没要你不休息！可是其实明明就是，当我休息的时候就觉得我懒惰，或者休息太久了。但是他们视乎忘了我只是个20岁的女生，为什么别人就可以专心念书，我却一边念书，一边操心工作的事，另一边又要承受着无形的压力。他们总是说一点点就压力，你干什么才没压力？！这让我慢慢的不想时常和他们相处，我觉得家人固然重要，但是就是因为他们很重要，所以他们的一举一动在我心里就会特别的被放大。

也是这就是命运，我得到很多人还没得到的东西，一样的，我也失去很多别人拥有的。生命就是这样，有了一样东西自然就要舍弃一样。但是我知道只要找到平衡点就没事了。但是最近我的平衡点又来一次的模糊。我赚的钱不能好好用来享受，我不是没有理财，我都把超过50%的钱存起来，其它的30%都来缴学费租金用去了。可能我们大家的价值观都不同吧，我不奢侈但我会享受。这是不同的！我不是花在虚荣的地方，是用在我感觉舒服放松的地方。

不知道接下去的几个如何度过，但是就这样吧。弟弟，你真的很好命！你不用像我这样，每天劳碌到晚，虽然我劳碌的成果能让我生活更好，但是我有的选择吗？你可以享受生活不用像我从小就没有了童真童年。你还在埋怨什么？如果我有的选择不做生意就有比较舒适的生活，你觉得我还需要那么辛苦吗？我辛苦自己供自己读书生活，爸妈就有更多的钱留给你！我的生活费从14岁开始就不用他们操心，你不觉得自己已经很幸福了吗？你太自私了！所有的一切的一切，我只能说，我有的选择吗？如果我不工作，家里还会有钱给你去那么多补习吗？家里有现在舒适吗？家里能过得现在那么好吗？

雨过一定会有彩虹，希望我的彩虹很快就会出现。至少这样让我知道我的一生还是有光彩的！我自己辛苦没关系，至少我已经比别人更幸福了。好想一个人到海边里走走，到陌生的国家自己旅行，至少那里没有人约束，我没有负担的活着。

希望他们会记得我只是一个20岁的女孩，我只渴望这个。。有多么不公平也就算了，我认命。

Back to usual

Back to the life I used to have.. Wake up at 8.30am everyday and sleep at around 2am.. Suddenly feel time pass by easy till I can't catch it properly. Everyday back from office, full of tiredness surrounding me. Is it too fast and 24 hours ain't enough for me. Just wanna have a life with full of meaningful and dream yet it seems I haven't put myself well in this condition. I just want my life back! Isn't that easy?

Jie en, you must take this well! This is your life! What you suppose have to face and do! You're not like others, they've the choice to do thing they like. But now, I couldn't.. Sometime I will think, if I ain't the Jie En like now, what kind of life I'm facing now. Yeah, sad to say, I won't have a very good life with I din't put so much effort into it. I'm not those who came from a rich or even a standard financial support family. Everybody have their own life, is not a good thing if we only admire what we don't have, yet must appreciate and grateful for what we have now. I know.. Sometime is very tired, allow me to complain a little bit. Just once or twice.. 

I know I must be used to this kind of life now, just 6 months isn't much. Come back to working mood and start save money and achieve my dreams! Even tired I still have to face with my life, this is life, everybody must do something in advance to get what they want. I understand.

So life get back to usual, but at least I learnt 1 very important thing in my life, self bonding time. Now, congratulation! I love being alone, spend my lil free time with myself, doing something I love. It is a lil motivation for me to move forward :D This is the change I learnt in my diploma last sem. Being yourself and don't bother other is the best way to make you happy! So, just be myself :)

Alright, here ending with a happy stuffs!

Dalaang, this is new part of my room. A little section that full with joyful! (That's what I think LOL!)

I‘m webcam-ing with my roommie, don't get shock with her face in my laptop XD 

Good night everyone❤